Becoming More: When I Feel Like So Much Less

"We are all far more broken and far more glorious than we can ever grasp" - Molly Franklin

The struggle to serve Him, to love Him with the same grace and faithfulness that He bestows upon me.

I have been drowning lately, losing myself in self-created waves of confusion, apathy, turmoil. I have lost my balance; lost touch with the vibrating, burgeoning light that has always been inside me. It's the reason you became my friend, smiled when we met, speak well of me behind my back. I am kind to others; I touch them with my compassion, stir them with my smile, and heal them with my words and my love.

Yet here I am, unable to find the same grace to bestow upon myself. And in the meanwhile, I drown.

Even amidst my current confusion and angst, I am aware I am made for something divine. Something brilliant and beautiful; and this pain is merely serving as a catalyst for my growth. He loves me enough to trust me with this suffering; to know even when I writhe in pain on the ground, I will not turn from Him. I will trust Him to heal me again, and create in me a new heart; one that will be more resilient to fear, and will continue to be a light for others who are afraid.

This blog needs to exist, because I am drowning. I can not remember the last time I have shared my words, placed them into your hands for a kiss. My creative mind is atrophying, and without it, I feel lost and disingenuous.

I want to share myself with you. I want to share this journey with you. I want to inspire you, and be inspired by you. I want to join hands in a collective tug of war against all the inauthentic lures of society and our weak, selfish hearts. I want to become more together; to infuse beauty into the landscape and pull forth regenerative water from the roots of this glorious and painful life.