Amazed By His Grace

I am humbled and amazed at how God can take one small request, one desperate plea, and turn it into a thousand blessings.

Only days ago, I was pressed against tree bark, bleeding from the raw, open aperture of my heart. I was defeated, and rebellious, and I didn't even care that I didn't even care. I was even a little mad; I was mad that life was one long strand of suffering, and that it didn't matter how good I was or how humble I became, I was still going to be broken and bleeding, and there would always be more to take from me. I was disheartened, and tired, and quite frankly ready to bow my head.

But there were still sparks in my heart. Little sing-song notes of whimsy and hope. And there was a clear thought in my head: "Kara Emily, you are not upholding your promises. You promised God you would become the woman he wished you to be; you surrendered yourself to His plan, and you found freedom there.  You found freedom there. So stop chaining yourself to the outcomes of this world, and the everyday concerns of a broken society and the judgments of its broken people. Bind yourself to your word, the promises you made. Because beauty is there. Freedom is there. Everything you ache for can be found there."

And I woke up. I snapped out of it. Monday morning, I woke with Truth in my heart, and I moved forward. I began a new workout regimen, because my body needed to wake up, and I started reaching out to people for help, because I needed support. Friendships blossomed, simply because I took a heartbeat worth of time to water them. Laughter flowed from my lips, and I wanted to more; I craved communication and camaraderie and connection; I craved it, and I sought it, and I was blessed beyond abundance.

I came to God, crawled to him on chapped and wounded knees, and I asked him for His grace. I begged Him for grace, and he offered me new life. Each and every moment, He offers us new life. And I am ready to live.